


picky picky

by vanus



Category: VIXX
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-06
Updated: 2016-01-06
Packaged: 2018-05-12 03:29:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 409
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5650906
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vanus/pseuds/vanus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>sanghyuk has never been one to play games, but jaehwan always did bring out the worst in him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	picky picky

**Author's Note:**

> there is some mild body horror in this, just fyi. this can be found [here](http://jongdaybreak.livejournal.com/1195.html) on my old livejournal as well. i made a few minor formatting/phrasing changes to post it here.

sanghyuk picks his fingernails when he’s nervous. not the skin around them, but the actual nail itself. he peels back the layers one by one, and he lets them fall to the ground when he knows no one is looking. his nails are thin and breakable and bitten to the quick and he doesn’t know how to stop, but he doesn’t know if he cares enough to kick the habit.  


she asks him why his nails look like that as he runs the tips of his fingers across her bare stomach. sanghyuk tells her that they’ve always looked that way and moves on.  


jaehwan had always asked him to stop. maybe that was why he didn’t.  


he gets phone calls from an unlisted number every few weeks. he knows it’s jaehwan. sometimes he ignores the call completely, sometimes he answers and just doesn’t say anything until jaehwan hangs up. sanghyuk has never been one to play games, but jaehwan always did bring out the worst in him.  


sanghyuk’s family asks him how ‘that jaehwan boy’ is doing sometimes. he gives a generic answer and waits for the topic to change before speaking again.  


he hasn’t found anyone new. he doesn’t count the girl that he met at the library and routinely hooks up with. it doesn’t mean anything. sanghyuk thinks that she may feel something for him, but if she says anything, he’ll disappear. he isn’t in it for the romance. whatever romantic part of him that was left had died long ago, rotting inside his chest and leaving a foul taste in his mouth.

he starts smoking again. he hopes it will kill him quicker.  
  


sanghyuk hates what jaehwan turned him into. he hates what he’s turned himself into. jaehwan wasn’t a good person. sanghyuk knows it, but that doesn’t stop him from aching for the man who broke his heart.  
  


some pain isn’t temporary. some pain lasts forever. that kind of pain can’t be soothed, it must be endured, and even then it doesn’t go away.  
  


jaehwan hated sanghyuk’s vanilla cigarettes. he lights one looking out over the city before his phone rings again. unlisted number again.  
  


sanghyuk thinks that maybe giving himself to jaehwan will hurt less than knowing he would spend the rest of his life searching for someone to replace jaehwan. no one would be able to. he would never be satisfied with anyone else.  
  


he chooses what pain he would rather feel.  
  


“hello?”


End file.
